I’m always a little leery of telling people what they ARE and ARE NOT.  Labels are really something people should only slap upon themselves…much like religious beliefs.  But I will make an exception if the circumstances are extreme enough.  If, for instance, too many individuals out there are slapping upon themselves a specific label that I hold to be of near-priceless value…and their behavior in the name of said valued label actually damages the label…and those who oppose the ideology that I REALLY value associated with the label use these damagers to do even more damage..! 

Going back to basics, I will crack open my virtual copy of good old Merriam-Webster, which defines “feminism” thusly:

Main Entry:
    fem·i·nism Listen to the pronunciation of feminism
Pronunciation:
    \ˈfe-mə-ˌni-zəm\
Function:
    noun
Date:
    1895

1 : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.

It seems so simple, doesn’t it.  A “feminist,” therefore, ought to be “a person whose beliefs and behavior are based on feminism.” 

You’d think.

My co-blogger has a fondness for a columnist named Fred Reed who, said co-blogger tells me, is very opposed to the “Nanny State,” which he (the columnist, not my co-blogger) characterizes as a force to feminize the world (or at least the United States, its government and all its citizenry).  “But!” I objected.  “The forces of this ‘feminization,’ as you call it,” referring to laws passed for example to ban fat in food, dodgeball in schools, firing anybody who sticks a toe out of the politically correct line, etc. etc., “are not always nor even often feminists.  Your columnist is confusing two words that sound similar…frankly feminists are RARELY if EVER the force behind what he considers to be ‘feminization!’” My co-blogger agrees, and even agrees with my point that calling these bizarre episodes “feminization” is a sexist slur.  For instance, what would be the percentage of women legislators who actually pass these laws compared to men..?  However, this conversation did open my eyes to the sad frequency of this confusion.  Disgusting, I thought to myself.  Probably even a plot by certain right-wing fruitcakes to undermine the beauty of true equality, linking FEMINISM with this crap..!

Heh.  Shows how much I know.  Though I am determined that in principle, I am still right…I have been tragically disillusioned of late.  I have discovered that there is a whole entire segment of the female population out there who refer to themselves as “feminists,” and are anything but.  The most recent quote from one that sticks in my head:

“Man was God’s FIRST creation, but women were his BEST!”

That really sums it up.  These…ladies…have taken the standard definition above and replaced “equality” with “privilege” and “the sexes” with “women.”  And it breaks my heart.  It DOES.  Melodramatic, but true.

THEY get to joke about physically abusing their spouses, but woe betide any man who dares to do the same.
THEY get to lay hands upon men and their belongings with violence with impunity in their anger, but woe betide any man who dares to do the same.

They have made a priestesshood of maternity…pregnancy and childbirth are laid upon a sacred altar and any woman who has performed the two is halfway to sainthood.  No physical ordeal any man goes through is comparable; certainly they have no interest in any legislation that would give MEN any free time from the labor grind for any.

Should she stick a toe out of doors for monetary recompense before the kid hits school-age, she is making a massive sacrifice in the quality of her maternity and her fragile mental health…but it’s perfectly okay for a man to barely spend a few hours a day with his newly minted offspring in that time frame and should the relationship between a man and woman collapse, his legal custody should be instantly removed because he kept her and the kid in food, clothing and shelter.

Now, I won’t give these “feminists” any more significance than they deserve.  They are nowhere near the reason that women have been oppressed oh these many millenia, and continue to be oppressed today.  They never had any power in the past, other than the minor one of helping the sexist reinforce gender stereotypes about the hysteria, illogic and weakness of women…which the sexist had firmly in place anyway and didn’t need any help with. 

But women really do have more power now.  Really, as a group, maybe for the first time in the course of human history, women actually have some power.  Not anywhere near all of it.  Or even half of it.  But finally a measurable amount of it.  That this empowers your average woman on the street is wonderful, glorious, and gives those who actually believe in the theory of feminism as defined by M-W some real clout.  But unfortunately with the elevation of all of us, unavoidably comes the elevation of these…ladies. 

I still believe that these women are a minority.  I believe that the basic reason for the way they are is nothing more than just being not too bright…being unable to see where the path they are taking leads, and being unable to understand the fine nuances of philosophy, as in “I am a loud pushy broad who fearlessly insults anyone who doesn’t agree with me…hey, isn’t that what popular culture says feminists are?  Damn, I ENJOY that…I’m a feminist and I support feminism cause that means I can do it FOREVER!”  (…sigh.) 

But I’m selfish enough and I love women enough that I want them GONE.  And I have therefore decided to have no mercy.  Faux feminists, beware.  You will be called out on your BS, as firmly and publicly as possible, wherever I find it.  I owe the all the women, the true feminists, who’ve come before us with their strength and brilliance and patience and perserverance at least that much.  I will throw you to the wolves who cry that feminists don’t want EQUALITY, they want a FREE PASS—because feminists don’t, but you do.  And you ain’t gettin' it at my expense.